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A New Year For Passion, Purpose and Pushing Past Discomforts!

As 2024 begins, it brings an opportunity to ask ourselves thought-provoking questions!  What are the things in life that I am passionate about? Is what I am currently engaging in providing purpose in my life? Am I willing to push into a place of discomfort to explore the journey I am intended to be on?


The KS Services team was recently given an opportunity to reflect on these types of questions in an experiential way.  As the Owner and Clinical Director,  I asked my staff to block off their calendars for a five hour period of time and to dress athletically.  I did not provide the team with any other information about what they would be doing or where they would be going.  Over the next two months, I received lots of leading questions from each clinician and staff member, trying to figure out what I might have in store.  I provided no answers.  Each staff member experienced a moment of surprise when we ended up going indoor skydiving!!!!



Refusing to provide details and information was purposeful. I wanted my staff to experience the anticipation of the unknown and the feelings that followed.  I wanted my staff to really understand what it felt like to be asked to show up for something when you have no idea what to expect.  This is often what it is like for someone to show up for their first counseling session.  Sometimes counseling is an individual choice; sometimes it is mandated by a parent or the legal system, and sometimes a spouse places an ultimatum. But in all of these situations, there are unknowns, and these unknowns can lead to a variety of feelings and thoughts.  I wanted my staff to be reminded of these feelings and thoughts. I wanted each clinician to be able to intimately empathize with clients and to be reminded of their own thoughts and feelings leading up to our group experiential activity.


As our team moves into 2024, we continue to work to provide quality care.  We continue to engage in our passion to support each individual's and couple's journey.  We continue to  partner with clients to push into discomfort in order to find purpose and passion in life. I pray that the experience of our team exercise is a gentle reminder of the difficulty of taking the step into counseling as well as the life changing benefits counseling can have.


If you or someone you love is having a difficult time and needs someone who can empathize and journey with you please reach out to KS Services for genuine partnership and support!  May each person have the courage to seek passion and purpose daily while pressing into discomforts along the way.


Director and Clinical Supervisor of KS Services, LLC

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Making Merriment & Memories this holiday season...



Are you one of those people that absolutely loves the holidays? Do you get giddy just thinking about pulling out all the festive decorations to deck your house? Have you already planned a complete list of each person’s favorite treats to prepare? Are you still looking for the perfect gift for that special someone in your life? Or are you feeling completely stressed out about making sure teacher gifts are ready, Christmas cards are mailed and finding an hour or two when you can get around to purchasing that matching set of new family pajamas? Have you thought about throwing in the towel to all the traditions of the past and starting fresh because the pressure to create an Instagram worthy celebration for your family is just so overwhelming? Well, you are not alone. It is true that this time of year brings both increased joy and stress for most people. However, before you go changing your normal routine, you should know that creating both merriment and memories impacts us all in emotionally healthy ways.

 

As we prepare for the upcoming holidays, it is important to understand the value in both creating new memories and holding onto familiar traditions. Maintaining family rituals is significant because engaging in meaningful traditions strengthens connection between its members. When we provide activities that are both continuous, predictable, and fun based upon our own sets of values, we establish rituals of connection that children, teens, and even young adults rely upon. Shared history helps individuals to organize and understand their world by promoting a stronger sense of identity, purpose, and belonging. In addition, creating new experiences together can produce strong emotional bonds as well. When families or groups of persons attempt a novel activity, visit an unfamiliar place, or pursue a new interest that is enjoyable, our brain triggers a release of dopamine, a feel good chemical associated with reward and pleasure. The pleasure pathways of our brains are activated with merry making as experienced in happy moments and in gift giving, because merriment is considered both an activity and an emotion.

 

Perhaps you are already considering which traditions you are hoping to revisit this holiday season. Maybe you have adult kids coming home from college, and you are saving a special activity to do with them upon their homecoming. Maybe you have little ones underfoot that have been enjoying the nightly adventures of “Elf on the Shelf” that you work so tirelessly each night to create before falling into bed. Whether or not you have traditions, you can always revisit past ones that you may have shelved or create new ones. Whatever the family rituals are that you have held, consider initiating conversations about the traditions your family members consider most special and the ones they are hoping will continue. Communication is essential to helping families navigate expectations during the holidays. Be sure to ask clarifying questions to expand your understanding of what made the tradition unique. Then reflect back to the speaker by summarizing what you heard them say while asking them for clarification or confirmation. In this way you are learning what family rituals have played a part in developing that person’s sense of identity, connection, and values. Lastly, engage each person by allowing them to assist in creating new memories or continuing family traditions through making merriment together.

 

When we understand what traditions are meaningful, we can incorporate them into our holiday plans along with new activities. Be aware that fear can sometimes keep people from engaging and can serve as a roadblock to experiencing pleasure. Think about it… sometimes the people having the most fun are those who are open to trying new things. So this holiday, make it a point to revisit your familiar traditions along with adding a new one. When multiple generations are connected through similar experiences or traditions, it develops stronger bonds which encourage resiliency and resolve, important skills needed throughout a person’s entire life. Embedding these positive events into our memories is helpful when we can process pleasurable activities by continuing to revisit them, time and time again through shared narratives. Your family or group’s narrative is being scripted through the merriment and memories you choose to make a priority this holiday season.


All of us at KS Services, LLC wish you and yours a very memorable and Merry Christmas!


Licensed Resident in Counseling

 

 

 

 

 

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Tired of Yelling?



Are you finding yourself yelling at your kids? If you are, have you stopped to consider why? Some parents say that they feel like they have to yell to get through to their children and that no other tone seems to work. Others will admit that they yell out of frustration and anger because they feel disrespected or have lost a sense of control. If you are emotionally exhausted and want to repair and reconnect with your child or teen, there is hope. The repair starts with you and involves developing self-awareness, gaining a new mindset toward parenting and adjusting your communication style. If you decide to make a change, know that our habits are stubborn. If you blow it, have compassion and patience with yourself, understanding that change is a process and that it rarely happens overnight.


Gaining self-awareness involves becoming cognizant of your thoughts, the feelings that rise out of you, and the actions you take in response to your feelings. It’s especially important to identify your triggers and the patterns of behavior that lead to explosive emotions and actions. Recognizing the signs that indicate you are about to emotionally “take-off” helps you to take steps to slow down and “keep your plane on the ground.”


Reflecting on and identifying your emotional wounds is another key for understanding your emotional responses to your children. For example, if your child rejects your attention, acts ungrateful, or is inconsiderate toward you and you have had previous wounds of rejection or disrespect, your emotional reaction may be out of proportion to your child’s infraction. It is critical that we recognize our wounds and sensitivities and work on healing them. Consider the possibility that you may be holding your child or teen responsible for helping you manage your emotions. Perhaps you expect them to be happy around you because, if they aren’t happy, you will feel like a bad parent. Ask yourself when you feel irritated with your child’s complaining or whining, “Why am I having this reaction?” Remind yourself that it’s not your responsibility to make them happy or fix their issue. Resist saying, “You have nothing to complain about, you have all you need,” or “I don’t have time for this, it’s always something with you!” If you listen without judgment and reflect back what you are hearing and help them identify what they are feeling, they will feel heard, not alone in their feelings, and they will move on more quickly from the emotion they are displaying.


Remind yourself that your child or teen is a developing human being learning to deal with the world and its challenges. They are not yet fully equipped to handle all that is being thrown at them in life because their brain is not yet fully developed. The parent’s job is to help them learn to navigate life by example and to provide stability in the storms. Try listening without judgment to what they are experiencing no matter how whiney or ridiculous it sounds to you. Listening to their negative thoughts and feelings does not reinforce the negativity, it helps them process and release it. If you try to minimize their concerns or pull them away from their problems, they will hold on to them more tightly. A child or teen who isn’t heard feels alone in their emotion, and it can become overwhelming for them. Ask questions to help them explore their thoughts and feelings and reflect back what you hear them saying so they know you heard them. Empathize with them with statements like, “That sounds like it was really hard." Downplaying their emotions or telling them they shouldn’t feel that way just alienates them from you when we know that connection is key for better communication and relationship.


In addition to understanding our thoughts and emotions, it’s crucial to consider how our physical bodies are responding when we are engaged in a verbal conflict. When we perceive a person as a threat, the sympathetic nervous system produces the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones provide energy and sharpen our senses to protect ourselves from physical danger, whether actual or just perceived. Have you noticed the sense of urgency you feel in a verbal conflict? We talk faster; we raise our voices, and it feels like everything is speeding up. In this state, we are not in our rational brains and are not equipped to listen or learn. The goal at this point is to employ our parasympathetic system which helps us calm down. Increased oxygen in the bloodstream signals our sympathetic system to stop producing the stress hormones, and movement helps our bodies release the hormones. We can assist our bodies by breathing deeply, walking, or exercising. It can take 20 to 30 minutes for our bodies to recover from this activated state. Being aware of this may help you recognize the futility of having a meaningful exchange with your child or teen if either of you are in this state.


If you feel you would benefit from learning self-awareness, improving your parenting mindset, and learning effective communication skills with your child or teen, contact Keystone Services, LLC at counseling@keystoneserives.biz to set up an appointment with a counselor who can come alongside you and provide tools for change. It’s never too late to make a repair with your child or teen and reconnect with them.


Resource Links


Yelling


Communication with Children and Teens


Self-Awareness


Licensed Resident in Counseling



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